The World Needs You to Be You

Oct 12 30

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman

It’s about time I let you in on a little secret. I’ve never felt completely at home in the nonprofit sector. As I began my career, what I wanted more than anything was to fit in. I wanted to be seen as qualified and competent and educated and worthy of doing the jobs I was hired to do. It was very rare that I let my co-workers in on any personal aspects of my life beyond where I went to school and where I was from. I wanted people to think that I was just like them.

Nevermind the fact that in reality, I actually had very little in common with many of the nonprofit leaders I worked with. One of my first bosses was so well-off that she barely took a salary. How difficult it was for me to be able to explain to her how much I needed a raise so I could finally quit my part-time job as a hostess and devote my full attention to the nonprofit field. Or in instances where I was out to lunch with co-workers, partners or even funders, who went around the table introducing themselves. I don’t know if this is a Washington DC thing or not, but the question, “what do your parents do” often came up in these settings. It was always really uncomfortable for me. For one, it assumed that everyone at the table had two parents. And two, that those parents had respectable careers that merited impressed head nodding from everyone at the table.

It was hard to tell my truth after hearing the stories of how my lunchmates’ parents completed Ivy League education and put them through the same, all the while embarking on lucrative careers that resulted in homes that my colleagues had fond memories growing up in. What was I supposed to say? That my mom had me when she was 15? That my father was a drug dealer? That I grew up in the projects? That it took my mom 20 years to complete her college education and was just now beginning a stable career in her 40s? Mostly, I just tried to avoid those conversations. It pained me to sit at those tables.

It made me realize just how different I was, even to people that I was working side by side with to effect social change.

I did not yet know that different can be good. Not until people like Joe Gerstandt hipped me to the game. Identity diversity, or differences in who we are, can bring innovation to a sector that desperately needs it. It was great that I grew up differently than my colleagues. It was not so great that I felt the need to hide it.

Ever since I left Austin, I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity and what that looks like for me in my work. I’m also wondering what it looks like for other young people of color who work in the nonprofit field. Do you feel the need to hide who you really are to fit in to the nonprofit culture? Are you like my sister in blogging Akhila Kolisetty, afraid, deeply afraid to reveal all?

Yes? Then you probably need to hear what I’m about to tell you.

I hereby give you permission to stop denying yourself. Stop hiding your background and your experiences and your stories. The world needs you to be you. The world needs you to show up and show OUT and unleash the nonprofit rockstar within. What the world needs is for you to come alive with your unique passion for social change. Not to fit in with all the people who dress and act the part but have no idea what living the part really means.

Today, I wish for you what I wish for myself – the grace and the courage to step out into the kind of leadership that YOU define, not someone else. Because no matter who you are, there’s a place for you at the nonprofit table.

Like this post? Sign up for free blog updates!

You'll get new articles sent to your inbox as soon as they're published, PLUS a free chapter of my book, How to Become a Nonprofit Rockstar!

Tags: Authenticity, being authentic, being yourself Categories: Inspiration, Leadership

http://www.brigidslipka.com Brigid

I heart this. Thanks, Rosetta.
http://twitter.com/blackgirlinmain Blackgirlinmaine

Bravo! This is a fabulous post. I have a few years on you but when I started my career in the non-profit sector eons ago, like you I was surrounded by folks who were clearly better off than me. Yet in the past 15 years I have come to realize that we all bring something to the table, our background shapes us and gives us a unique perspective.

I currently am the ED of a small NPO which is a community center serving low income families and find that my growing up working class is a benefit. It allows me to connect with our clients and often when talking with colleagues I bring not only my professional and educational expertise but practical life experience to the table. I understand why the clients do what they do because I have lived it.

We should never hide who we are. I love this post!

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

I agree that there is a HUGE benefit to being able to connect with the people you serve. So much of nonprofit work is compassion for others and I think having shared your clients' experiences can make it easier to empathize with their challenges.

Diana

Rosetta, you have helped me come to terms with the fact that I didn't take the most direct route to the nonprofit sector. I am a 30 year old still working on her Bachelor's in order to move away from being the administrative assistant and get to see projects from start to finish.
My mother arrived from El Salvador 5 months pregnant with a third grade education. We all have different roots and I think someday I'll put my story out there for others to read.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

We *do* all have different roots & there's so much value in acknowledging that. We bring so many rich experiences to this work and I think we should do more to honor them. Thank you so much for reading & sharing your story with us. I really, really do hope you share it with others as well.

http://twitter.com/Realbrother0003 Theron K. Cal

Real Brother here.

I agree with you Rosetta[even though she chooses not to follow me].All that I would ask is that you be sure to let your followers know that your organization is “non-profit” you are an individual need to survive so you do need to make a living and explain how that can be done within' the realm of a non-profit.
TKCAL
kristenej

My first nonprofit I worked at, both myself and my co program coor. mentioned never fitting in. We were regularly in the presence of big time business figures and there were times we definitely felt like low level staffers. Fast forward about two years and I'm in a more supportive community of differences. As our generation ages, diversity will be impossible to deny. In the meantime, I'm going to represent myself as myself.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

There's something here about the importance of making all kinds of people feel comfortable and valued in organizations and I think it gets to the heart of what inclusion really means. So glad you have a supportive space

http://twitter.com/karinabthatsme Karina Briski

Rosetta, your conviction to be truth, speak truth, and own your story 's truth is inspiring – and something that the nonprofit sector can benefit wildly from. The diversity of identity, as you say, and of experience and KNOWLEDGE holds limitless potential, if we recognize the strength that comes from them. This is my greatest hope for nonprofits and social justice work in particular, that experiences like your's – and like mine, as a first-generation college graduate, living 18 years before I met someone who worked in a nonprofit, or any non-blue-collar job for that matter – that these experiences carry their own specific knowledge which, rather than being hidden or replaced by the dominant middle-class knowledge and experience, can be considered valid AND valuable. It's people like you and stories like this that will help bring their power out and enhance our working lives, and our work itself.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

This is one of my ultimate hopes for how nonprofit leadership will change over time – that many different kinds of experiences will be valued and celebrated. The way we reward nonprofit leadership right now is often skewed to those who have a certain pedigree – advanced degrees, connections to funding, political savvy, etc. I'd like to see the day when we welcome all types of people into leadership positions not based on a fancy resume, but the strength of their passion, commitment & ability to do the work.

http://restoringthesoul.wordpress.com Restoring the Soul

Thanks for this post! I think it's so important for non-profits to create the type of change they want to make within their own organization. If you value diversity, your organization should be diverse. If you advocate democracy, your decisions in your organization should be made democratically.

Just last night I was at a training about class and poverty where they assumed everyone in the room was middle class. Although I do come from a middle class background, it made me really uncomfortable to think about if someone in the room did grow up in poverty and had to pretend to be middle class while the rest of us discuss the poor as though it was an anthropological study – not people in the room, and people in our community!

Lack of understanding of diversity within non-profits always makes me nervous about how those organizations are treating their clients.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

This happens a LOT in my circles as well. There's often this undertone when some nonprofit folks talk about clients & community as “those people.” I'll sometimes interject to assert that “those people” are MY people…and theirs as well. We're all part of the same community no matter what our resumes & bank accounts look like.

http://akhilak.com/blog Akhila

Thank you for including me in this post! Interestingly, I feel completely at home in the non-profit world. In fact, I would feel far more out of place in the corporate world – when it comes to my background, what I studied, my interests, and my motivations. In my organization, there is a significant amount of diversity I feel, and there are a bunch of other young, recent graduates in the same position as me. I feel at home here, and I love the passions and diverse backgrounds of my co-workers. I am thankful to be in this field, and I wonder how we could have two such different experiences working in non-profits.

I think it's true that many people who work for non-profits come from relatively privileged backgrounds – they are the ones who can work unpaid internships, take low salaries (compared to the private sector), etc. That is really quite unfortunate. But somehow, I haven't found discussions of privilege to ever come up in my own workplace.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

I do think there are very different discussions or experiences related to privilege that come up depending on what kind of organization you work for. When I was in Atlanta, I was pleasantly surprised that the social justice organizations and community organizers in the south are very aware of the value of diversity within their ranks and don't hesitate to call out privilege as the elephant in the room.

http://twitter.com/SarahCPierce Sarah Pierce

Fantastic post! I can completely relate. One of my past internships was at a bigger international nonprofit, where one of the staffers explained to me that the organization had two types of interns: (1) interns who come through school connections (like myself) and (2) interns who come from 'potential donor families.' As we sat around the lunch table, the other interns would discuss their boarding school experiences in the Swiss Alps and jetsetting all around the world as I stared on in amazement. At one point they were excited to hear about my experiences in a public American high school to see if it was liek the movie Clueless.

Gaining experience in the nonprofit world by completing unpaid internships, while having no money to my name, has been extremely difficult. But even harder has been watching people coast by on their families' funds. Learning to deal with that unfair dimension of the nonprofit world has been one of my biggest challenges.

A long way to say, thank you for writing this post!
http://twitter.com/adriannerussell Adrianne Russell

I experienced it from the other side. Growing up within a very financially secure family, many people that I encountered assumed that I had the “typical” black experience (whatever that is.) While people were viewing The Cosby Show like it was science fiction (I remember hearing people say “Black folks don't live like that”), that family dynamic was very familiar to me.

It is a constant theme: at my private high school and college people assumed I was on scholarship. In my lifelong social service volunteerism staff routinely assume I am one of their clients. During my AmeriCorps position at Habitat for Humanity the volunteers I scheduled (usually via phone or email) typically assumed I was one of the homeowners when I met them onsite. In my current position I struggle with the fact that the upper-level leadership is alarmingly homogenous while claiming diversity as one of the cornerstones of its mission, and where “outreach” has become code for “poor, brown people.”

Regardless of your story, I wholeheartedly agree with you that it is important to tell truthfully and in its entirety. The sector desperately needs workers from every walk of life!

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

Very interesting that you've had the opposite experience. I think that would actually bother me more! I've definitely had experiences in conversations about diversity where being a person of color gets conflated with being poor. Even being the person of color in the room during these conversations, though, I still get the sense that my colleagues view me as living outside of that experience simply because I'm at the same conference table as them.

mindofandre

Wow, this was some food for thought. My experience was somewhere in the middle where my mother worked extra hard to maintain a middle class income for us. I still got what Adrianne was talking about though – folks sometimes thinking the worst of my background.

I remember working on my 8th grade science fair with scientists from NIH on some pretty high level science – and not getting any type of award because judges thought I didn't do any work. I digress.

I've realized as I've gotten older just how important it is to not hold back about your passions and to show people what you've got to offer. In today's world, it's even easier with the digital platforms and communication tools that the Web has to offer. It pays off. Great stuff Rosetta.

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

I often wonder about the interpersonal experiences of men of color in the sector, particularly black & Latino men. So many stereotypes abound for both races that I can only imagine the pre-conceived notions that your colleagues might have.

Pingback: Fill Your Cup! « i don't know what
http://www.wyokemia.com Wyokemia

Hi Rosetta. Thanks for always sharing such thoughtful posts. I've felt the same way in some situations, and it really feels challenging to navigate sometimes. But just like you said – each of our individuals stories and backgrounds really does add something beneficial to everything we're a part of. It's important for us to not shy away from our experiences and background – even if it sometimes feels uncomfortable because of the company we're in. It's a challenge, no doubt, but it's a challenge I always hope to work towards overcoming. Again, thanks for such honest, open postings.
Kam

Wonderful post Rosetta! I have a very similar experience. When I switched to the nonprofit sector, I readily expected people “like me” to be more a part of this sector. To some degree that is true, but not always. As I move into my final semester of grad school, I am learning to be proud of the fact that I work full time while being a full time student, because I don't have parents who can pay for tuition & expenses. I feel uniquely connected to the families I do this work for, and that's a great feeling!

http://www.rosettathurman.com/ Rosetta Thurman

It is a great feeling to be connected to the people you serve Your experience is uniquely valuable – hope your organization recognizes as well!

http://twitter.com/ARJWright Antoine RJ Wright

This is what I woke up to hear this morning. Great post, thanks for sharing this, and poking a bro to live out loud just the way he is created.
bsaunders

I'm one of those people who's gone back and forth. I do wish there was more respect in the nonprofit world for the sort of intellectual work that for-profits value. The nonprofit world, for the most part, has not developed the “independent contributor”, non-managerial track that people like me occupy. (Think, the equivalent of a software engineer whose expertise is sitting alone and architecting code.)
Emily

This is a great post and highly resonates with my Catchafire volunteer story. Please check it out http://blog.catchafire.org/category/emilys-volunteer-adventure/
Pingback: “I Have a Degree, Hire Me” Doesn’t Work Anymore | Rosetta Thurman
Anonymous

I’ve been reading your site for the past three days. Now, several hours later, I’m not sure what string of words I typed into Google, but I am glad that I arrived in this space. Simply, thank you. Continued success.
Pingback: How to Decide the Next Step in Your Leadership Journey | Rosetta Thurman
Pingback: New Leadership for a New Nonprofit Sector: Four Kinds of Leaders We Need Now