Personal Development | Rosetta Thurman

Don’t Underestimate the Little Things (or, Why I Unfollowed Everyone on Twitter and Hired an Assistant)

September 19, 2011 by rosettathurman · 7 Comments

I probably don’t have to tell you just how many things are vying for our attention these days. Well, maybe I do. I have a point to make here. We’ve all got so much to do all the time that it seems to be getting harder to concentrate fully on everything we have to do in the first place. Couple that with technology and you have all the possibility that more opportunities, more networking, and more connections bring. Alas, they also bring the little things.

The Little Things That Overwhelm Us

You know, the little things that run counter to that “balanced life” we all seem to want to lead. Little things like email (we all get way too much), social media (it’s great, but who can really keep up with 12,000 people on Twitter?), long to-do lists at work and at home (where not much ever seems to really get “crossed off”), tedious meetings and conference calls (many of which seem unnecessary). All these little things add up to one big thing.

Overwhelm.

I’ve been putting off hiring another assistant ever since business slowed down for me late last year. But then what happens? All spring, all summer and now fall, my speaking and coaching schedule is heating up, and things are moving faster than I can keep up with them. I’m like the little tortoise trying to enjoy the race and the hare is just whizzing by, running around me in circles, taunting me with a full inbox, piled up voicemails and the red glare of unread Facebook updates.

The Price We Pay for “Busy”

Thing is, I suspect that I’m not alone. Everyone in my circle always seems so damn busy. (Or maybe I just need a new circle?) With the pace of technology, many of us seem to have gone way beyond that magic 150 number of people we can sanely keep track of in our mental rolodex.

I’ve said before that what most people call “work-life balance” is not so much about about juggling between work and life as it is about alignment. One of my values is authenticity – the act of being my true self and showing up in the world with my unique gifts in service to others. What happens when I’m overwhelmed, though, is that my focus is on just “getting through” the next day, the next flight, the next thing. The truth is, I am not my absolute best, highest self when I allow the little things to overshadow my true purpose in life.

What do we do, then, when the world seems to be spinning at breakneck pace around us? How do we resist the allure of busyness and the constant ping of the internet in lieu of blocking out precious time to hear ourselves think, read a good book and reflect on our experiences?

The latter sounds delightful, yes? Quiet time FTW! Then why is it so hard to become unbusy? Maybe because it means opting out of a lot of things that our peers are doing, especially at work. One thing I started with was to unfollow everyone on Twitter. Yes, this happened. Blame Chris Brogan. I’m only following like 40 people now, down from about 12,000 as of just last week. The result is less noise and more connection with the people who’ve been sharing such great insight with me. I “see” them now where I honestly just could not before.

The Value of Outsourcing

For now, my most efficient solution is to outsource as many of the little things as I can. It seems like a sort of defeat, though, doesn’t it? To have to admit that you can’t fully manage all the minute details of your work and life? Ah, but it is now that I’m reminded by my brilliant co-author in crime, Trista Harris, of the benefits of hiring a wife. Busy people with families and businesses and hobbies are successful in part because they know how to delegate. It’s just a part of the deal if you want it all. Or, as one of my colleagues once said, if you want to “hold it all.”

What “it all” means for me, however, is not the fast-paced life of a self-employed CEO of everything, but a path to alignment that starts with recognizing my mental boundaries in being able to show up fully for the people I most want to engage with.

And that means being wise enough to get rid of the little things.

My new assistant started today. She is a Buddhist. I’ve always had the perception of Buddhists as being very balanced people. People who are in tune with what really matters in life. So, maybe I hired her not just for her administrative prowess, but because I needed a role model for how to stand in courageous alignment with my values. In either case, I’m looking forward to having a clean inbox for once and maybe learning to enjoy life as a tortoise, when all around me people are running the race like a hare.

What about you? What are the “little things” in your world that keep you from feeling balanced?

Filed Under: Personal Development, Social Media · Tagged With: Work/Life Balance

How to Do vs. How to Be

September 13, 2011 by rosettathurman · 5 Comments

“Leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do.” - Frances Hesselbein

I’m writing this post from the airport in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s already late in the evening and I’m typing over a plate of black-eyed peas, candied yams, cornbread and cabbage from my favorite airport restaurant, Paschal’s. (I bet you thought I was gonna say fried chicken, huh? Nope! I’ve been vegetarian for a few months now. I’m loving the lifestyle change so far.)

Anyway, today I had the opportunity to present one of my signature workshops: “Defining Your Own Leadership: How to Develop a Personal Mission Statement” at the TSAE New Ideas Annual Conference in Houston, Texas. The personal mission statement workshop is, by far, my absolute favorite one to present out of the dozen or so topics that I cover in my speaking work. Why? Because it allows me to connect with every person in the room on a meaningful level. At the end of every one of these workshops, at least one person comes up to thank me for being there. Those interactions, no matter how brief, are, hands-down, THE reason why I do what I do. Helping other people live on purpose is my way of making a difference. It’s been a crazy week of travel for me going back and forth between DC, Austin, DC and now Houston. But I wouldn’t trade this opportunity for anything else in the world right now.

My workshop was listed as a “deep dive” session in the conference program, which I think was very accurate. What I emphasize in the workshop is that it’s NOT me talking at you for 75 minutes – it’s an opportunity for facilitated reflection on your personal and professional life. While most conference programs around the country are filled with session after session on how to do - fundraising, social media, technology, strategic planning – there are very few on how to be.

What’s the difference?

Professional Development is Inextricably Linked to Personal Development

Well, one thing I’ve noticed in my work is that there is a HUGE void in our learning when we talk about professional development of any kind without acknowledging the unavoidable connection with personal development. The truth is that our personal issues affect our ability to perform in the workplace, for better or for worse. Think about it for a moment. Have you ever worked with or for a manager whose fear of change or lack of confidence affected her ability to make important decisions for the organization? But instead of talking directly about the personal issues that need to be addressed, the manager may be encouraged to take a technical class in effective decisionmaking or risk management.

A Missed Opportunity for Professional Development

This is a missed opportunity in professional development, especially in the nonprofit sector. It’s easier to measure “doing” activities, so that’s what we focus on. “Being” activities are more difficult to conceptualize. We talk about the values of our organizations, but we rarely talk about the values of our employees. If we want to develop authentic leadership, however, the link between personal and professional development can no longer be ignored. This gap is sometimes addressed as an aside in presentations on management or even social media – when we talk about fear and lack of trust. These are real issues we all deal with everyday that prevent us from leading from a place of alignment and integrity. And if we don’t start talking about them – in every organization and at every conference - they’re only going to get worse.

This is one of the reasons why Trista Harris and I will be hosting the Nonprofit Rockstar Leadership Intensive later this month in Washington, DC. We need more opportunities to learn how to be versus how to do. Ironically, the actual doing isn’t what holds most people back, anyway. It’s not knowing how to show up for the responsibility of being a leader.

What do you think? Are we too focused on “how to do” at conferences? How can we support more learning objectives on “how to be?”

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Development, Professional Development ·

Five Years from Now

July 30, 2010 by rosettathurman · 8 Comments

Last weekend, I was trading emails back and forth with a friend from high school who is looking to start her own consulting firm in a rather obscure academic field. She was writing to ask if I would be willing to advise and mentor her during the process. I said I’d help where I could, but one thing she said kinda bothered me from the outset.

I have the idea to start a consulting firm within the next five years.

Why wait five years? My first piece of advice to her was to start building her consulting practice now, not later. Five years from now, someone else may have cornered the market for that very obscure thing you want to do. Five years from now, you could find yourself in a job that pays well, yet sucks the entrepreneurial life out of you. Five years from now, you could have three more kids and considerably less flexibility to juggle a day job and a side hustle.

Even if you don’t feel like you’re “ready” to announce your big consulting plans to the world, there are still some things you can do right now to move them forward.

Ideally, your first clients should come to you before you even hang your shingle. That’s the only way you know if you have a viable service, anyway. Yes, things will be messy in the beginning, but when you actually get ready to do a full “launch” of your full-time business, you will have already worked out many of the kinks.

But whatever you do, don’t let time be an arbitrary excuse for not rolling up your sleeves today. What does five years represent anyway? It’s just a moment in time that is not now. Don’t be one of those people who say now it’s not the right time. You don’t have enough time. Maybe next time. The timing is off. You’re too young. You’re too old. You missed your time.

Or maybe you don’t have enough information. You can’t afford the seminars or the books that will give you the information. You have too much information. You need better information. The person with the information won’t get back to you.

There will always be an excuse not to do the thing you’ve always wanted to do. It’s so much easier to sit around talking about that Big Awesome Idea we never seem to be able get off the ground. But at some point you need to either jump off the damn cliff or just stop talking about that thing you know you’re never gonna do. We all have good ideas, but they’re pretty much useless if we don’t implement them.

Because when you do make the jump? Well, it’s like Sarah Susanka said in her fantastic book, The Not So Big Life: Making Room for What Really Matters:

“Once you make the unequivocal internal commitment to do something – when you absolutely know this is the time and the place to act – the world around you will shift in all sorts of apparently miraculous ways to make it happen.”

The commitment comes first. But please, do it now, not five years from now.

Filed Under: Nonprofit Consulting, Personal Development · Tagged With: Nonprofit Consulting, sarah susanka

Do You Have a Virtual Coach?

July 12, 2010 by rosettathurman · 5 Comments

Young nonprofit professionals are always looking for a few good mentors. Other, more experienced leaders that can show them the ropes and help them along in their leadership journey. While I have a number of great mentors that I can call on and/or meet with in person, my virtual coaches are just as important to me.

In a recent interview with Inc. Magazine, solopreneur Mike Koenigs was asked if he’d ever had a mentor or a coach. He replied:

“I have had a lot of virtual coaches; Napoleon Hill being one of the greatest. Also Dale Carnegie and Tony Robbins have had the greatest influence on me.”

I define a virtual coach is someone who you’ve never met in person (or have met only a few times), but who continually inspires you to do better and reach higher in your life and career.

Some examples of virtual coaches for young nonprofit professionals might be authors, bloggers, longtime nonprofit leaders or even celebrities. The idea is that we don’t necessarily have to have a mentor right there live in living color for them to be able to teach us valuable lessons.

Here are some of my virtual coaches:

Oprah

Many of Oprah’s philosophies and beliefs resonate deeply with me. Not only is she at a level of success that I would love to attain one day, but the way she lives her life is a testament to the abundance of the universe. Like me, she didn’t grow up with a perfect home life, but she overcame every obstacle that was put in front of her and ultimately reached her goals. I read her daily newsletter from Oprah.com religiously, as it always gives me that needed boost of confidence in my work and life.

Seth Godin

Seth Godin Picture

I just finished Seth’s latest book, Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?, which served as a big fat reminder to me of how important it is not to forget who you really are. In everything he writes, he demonstrates his skill as an extreme encourager. His words kick you in the ass and make you jump out of bed to go, DO your life’s work and stop whining already. I really wish there were more Seth’s in my everyday world…

Beth Kanter

Beth is a model for transparency in her life and nonprofit work. She is a ruthless innovator and generously documents her learning to share with our huge network of social change agents. Her influence is felt across sectors and I strive to model much of how I work after Beth.

Do you have a virtual coach? Tell us who! And how do they help you in your leadership journey?

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Development · Tagged With: Beth Kanter, linchpin, Oprah, Personal Development, seth godin, virtual coach

Thursday Reading: The Best Way to Deal With Haters, Personal Branding Hell and How to Design Your Perfect Day

May 20, 2010 by rosettathurman · 1 Comment

The men in the blogosphere have been quite brilliant lately. Here’s some really great stuff I’ve read in the past week.

Tim Ferriss outlines seven ways to deal with hateration in your career. I like this one the best:

“Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity.” (Colin Powell)

“If you treat everyone the same and respond to everyone by apologizing or agreeing, you’re not going to be recognizing the best performers, and you’re not going to be improving the worst performers,” Ferriss says. “That guarantees you’ll get more behavior you don’t want and less you do.” That doesn’t mean never respond, Ferriss goes on to say, but be “tactical and strategic” when you do.

Jonathan Fields describes what can happen when you get to the point where you’ve established a really good reputation: personal branding hell. Yeah, that’s about where I’m at right now. Good thing Jonathan gives some great insight on how to deal with it.

Building a strong personal brand—being known as the go-to person in a specific niche—has it’s ups. Everyone turns to you for information, for ideas, for thought leadership, for advice, for strategy, for connections, for presentations, for favors, for opportunities, for jobs, for partnerships, for salvation.

But, if the way to choose to leverage your personal brand is to trade time for money…

You may well have just built a personal brand that feels more like a cage than a stage.

Because, there are only so many hours you can bill for, so many planes you can get on, so many individual conversations you can have before you…and your life…implode. Especially if you’ve also got a family you actually want to see, friends you love to be around, other activities, passions and hobbies you love to engage in and a commitment to taking care of your body and your mind.

David Turnbull tells us how to design your perfect day. One tip? Be insanely specific.

You can’t be too specific when designing your perfect average day. It’s impossible. Once you’ve rushed through the exercise go back and add details to each element.

For example, say you’ve written that you want to “wake up at 6am” and then “have breakfast” ask yourself these questions, and then write the answers down:

Is anyone beside you when you wake up? What is your bed like? Are you doused with sunlight?

What do you want for breakfast? Who do you eat it with? Or do you eat it by yourself?

Reverse engineer all the elements of your day in the same way. With this extreme specificity you’re able to clearly visualize what it is you exactly what, and in turn you’re motivated by this burning desire to transform this possibility into a reality.

Filed Under: Personal Branding, Personal Development · Tagged With: Personal Branding, Personal Development